The cardboard boxes are here. It's ending. Even though I haven't had time to think about it. My house won't be mine in just a few days. I won't be living here anymore. And it feels like...nothing. I've realised nothing yet.
Not being able to nominate causes and situations is troubling. But, so be it.
Truth is, getting your degree and leaving stage one of university isn't as idyllic as it sounds. I just welcomed myself to the world of unemployment. And lost my insurance. But it's not as bad as I make it sound either. You've completed step one, and now are free to live everything that comes ahead.
And now to the main point: the troubles.
A. I have a humongous writers block. I've always had an ability when it came to words; be it written or spoken. But lately, I can't seem to write a line. Not in my blog. I mean in motivation letters, books, articles etc. And it's troubling. I feel that my words are tangled up inside me and they won't get out right. And I'd like to solve that soon, 'cause I've found a new knack in writing articles (which I currently can't write).
B. I can't sleep well. I hope that's gonna resolve itself with time.
C. Everything else. Like when I'm moving, where I'm going, how to get an insurance, how to live independently etc. Vacations anyone?
It's been 6 days since I've de facto finished. I'm still bothered by lots of paperwork, bureaucracy etc, but it's not the same anymore. And everybody wonders how that feels like.
The answer (or at least my answer) is ok. And a bit lonely. I've had the time to do all the thinking about leaving, the future, the people and so much more laste year. And in the beginning of this year also. So I'm over that. I've been through sadness, anger, nostalgia, happiness, sorrow, yearning. Now I'm back to zero.
Truth be told, I don't wanna leave home nowadays. Graduate blues are here yet again. I'm not eager on doing things I couldn't. Maybe the heat plays a part in this. Maybe my emotional situation. In any case, the best thing I can do is raise my ass and get out. See you around maybe.
I've always been a night owl, since I can remember myself. i always had trouble sleeping early and waking up early and the three first hours of lessons at school were always lost. Since I went to university I've had much more freedom about sleep and could appreciate the charming hours between midnight and dawn.
I've always loved the nightly breeze, the alcohol, the conversations, the dim lighting. And these are the hours when I tend to be more productive in my work. But at night you tend to overdo it. And when you see the sun rising every day, it's not that pleasant anymore.
Keep the charm, sleep before 6 o clock.
I only have six days left of student life and I'll do whatever I can to make them productive. Good night folks :)
I'm on a deadline, one of the most stressful I've ever had. Two deadlines, to be correct: the one is tomorrow and the other in 10 days. And I have been doing everything I could to avoid them. Like, for instance, a naked night bath with shitty weather. But let's get going.
There is a reason why the word deadline has this prexif. It is deadly. It explodes half of your brain. But if you're a person that works efficiently under stressful conditions (I am one of those) then you make it.
Nonsense post again. I had to complain here too, I guess. Good luck to me.
I'm a lost case. These past few days have been fuller than full and here I find myself again struggling over a paper. I haven't had as big a difficulty to write something since... well it's the first time. And I'm losing precious time from my graduating project, which is frustrating, since it's deadline is in 16-17 days.
But otherwise I'm strangely calm and satisfied with my life. Making acronyms like a high school girl. Staying awake 'till late. Being curious and stupid. Strange phenomena. Would you bet your horses on me?
In my teenage years I read a book that's left a deep impression on me, even though it shouldn't. It's a novel criticising the greek "Upper east side". That's where I fished today's title.
Beautiful loser: a person prone to failures, because of the way they're raised (they've never learned to claim anything, everything belonged to them) who accept them gracefully. Even though I can't fully relate to that, I find it terribly accurate for describing my situation sometimes.
It's almost the end of my (first) student years, living in this town etc. Even though, this year has been one of my most active in town and I only recently grasped that I'm not gonna be able to see all those sceneries frequently. Same goes for people.
But that's not the only reason I've been a beautiful loser recently. It's also because I've decided to accept one of the most natural feelings for humankind. And accept that it's not reciprocated (did I really? good point). And live with that.
Patras is beautiful. The villages around it are beautiful. The cultural teams are beautiful. The election results in this town are beautiful. Wanting to know everything about one person is beautiful. And it's all ending beautifully...
One of my two worst flaws is being a hopeless romantic. The other one is my impatience, but I'm not gonna elaborate about it now.
Being a hopeless romantic means that you tend to see the best out of people and create imaginary situations. And that you get badly dissapointed with all those that ain't how you thought they were. And that you appreciate things that others can't seem to grasp. And that you let yourself suffer more than others.
I don't think that romantics have diminished recently, only they've made their cover better, like superheroes, and you can't distinguish them. But otherwise, people are misanthropes nowadays and get happy at others suffering. In any case, even though I think that my romanticism is a flaw, this is something I can't get.
One of my main worries of the month is now gone and I feel a tiny bit relieved. But this is not what I'm gonna talk about today.
One of my concerns of the last years has been handling our growing-up and the transgressions from one stage to another. I can partly accept the motto "We make the same mistakes when we're older, only we've made them before" but it deeply concerns me. Why is it that we get older but tend to have the same shitty behaviour as when we begun our first, trembling steps in the real world?
When it comes to love, I see immatureness all around. Friends nearing their thirties afraid to accept they're in love. Others behaving badly to people who don't deserve it. Misunderstandings, dishonesty, suffering, emotional releases. Is the end of university too soon to have achieved a level of maturity? Is it that, in the odd years we've lived in and those that come ahead, immaturity is a way to rebel? And if so, when are we going to welcome equilibre?
I feel very negatively about people who encourage others to "stay the way they are". Life is all about evolution (and revolution) and those who stay are those who are lost. But, in this whole moving forward atmosphere, there is a little exeption: things you don't want to change.
And then comes the unexpected, the illogical, the funny, the sad, the one that makes you shiver...
Keep the childish behaviour if it's not destroying you. The end.
These last days have been as intense as the previous ones. Leaving a place you've lived in for five years sure is tough. But I couldn't shed a tear. Because creating the new one keeps my mind so occupied that I can't bother with past tenses. To the future.