12.12.14

You're not the only one

I wonder how much the crisis affected people's self-esteem. Not being able to find a job is rough. Not getting paid is rough. But those are the obvious causes of malaise.

What about human relationships in general? When you've put misery in the daily order and every morning you wake up afraid, what could ever happen to your self-esteem? Plus, everything seems shallow. Because depth needs time and time needs a set mind.

My generation is alternating between fear, fugue and shallowness. It's tough to feel that you got no future and even the most convinced of all cannot but be affected. In times like these simple-seeming things like friendship, love and near-future seem difficult and scary.

I've been a victim of that. And you know what's the worse? you feel like you're the only one on earth who feels like this. You're not. And this is the first key to get out of the misery and into anger. 'cause a whole generation is the victim of massive depression.

Fuck'em


8.12.14

Longing

Uh-ow.

I'm into that mood again.

The world is shaking, we can still be surprised it seems. People are dying, others don't care, we take sides.

I damaged my foot again and had to spend the weekend with crutches. Of course, that didn't prevent me from anything.

What can we do in those 23 days remaining 'till 2015?

And why do I not want to leave anymore?

Hell's bells. I'm growing old and not learning.

Revolution solution.





2.12.14

Everything is everything

Honestly, it's been a long time since I wrote here and I am utterly bored of the possible past analysis. What's done is done.

The news are: I've shot a picture I REALLY like! And it's the started of a project, temporarily named "functional-dysfunctional". It's a bit surreal, a bit uncanny, there's something strange going on in the photos, like a "bling" sound. I wouldn't be able to write a prologue to it right now, but I know exactly what kind of photos could fit in it. So enjoy. And be ready for the continuation.


12.11.14

Our near past

Yesterday, I was looking at my old photographs. Nothing very artsy or special, just the way we were. I've moved away for a month and a half and it seems like a miracle to me. That we were able to meet, to be together, to live like that for six years. To have all those wonderful people around me and meet with them whenever I wanted.

Truth be told, I feel lonely here. Partly because I feel that, suddenly, I have noone on the same basis as I am. The things I believe, that we all believed, one way or another, seem outlandish to most around here.

The way we were shall be my pillar for the next stages. 'Cause suddenly, they seem more than tough...

7.11.14

Jeanne d' arc

Long time no see. It's been hectic nowadays. Patras for ten days, then back to Syros and now homework, homework, homework.

But this is not what I want to talk about today. It's my lack of reason, once again. I've realized,  just recently, that I'm a very meddlesome person. Even right now, I heard someone crying and tried to see if it's my neighbor and if I can do something for her. But the conflict arises when I start caring about the affairs of people I've had sexual relationships with.

The things is, they never get my intentions right. And I find it very difficult to leave them alone. So, I end up banging my head on a wall. I visualize myself like an illuminated Jeanne d' arc, holding their hands and pulling them out of their misery.

But the thing is: I'm not Jeanne d' arc, or any other bloody heroine for that matter. And they don't want to be saved. It's just my romanticism talking.

Welcome to the real world. I've earned my first money but still have lots to learn...

19.10.14

Nostalgia

The internet can be a bit shitty sometimes, especially when you haven't had it for so long. For me, it's been a trip to my memory's pits. And suddenly, you're back in primary school. The place you grew up in, your first heartbeats (and not only innocent ones), the scenery. Even though your body remains in Ermoupolis, Syros.

And thus, I realize that change also brings the need to solidify the basics. And that it's big time to visit the place that raised me.

18.10.14

Big girls don't cry

Despite what you might believe from the title, my life in Syros is quite great (and I've got internet at home from yesterday, so welcome back). The nearest beach is 5 min. away from my house, the weather is great, the master is just what I was looking for etcetera. But it's tough to know noone, to be accustomed to noone.

Have you ever been in a state when you're angry but there's no one you're accustomed to enough to fight with? Tough one, I swear. Yesterday I fought with myself for the first time in my life. But I've been able to put things in their righteous place. Cause big girls can handle their shit alone.

It's not holy Arcadia here. But it's still a very good start.

28.9.14

Blank

aka people you don't need to say goodbye to.

My new life is starting in less than 7 hours and I'm still awake (no wonder), anguished about everything. I take what I said yesterday back. No good riddance needed. Just a bit of space and nice feelings.

But honestly, I've been trying to mend all loose ends and said goodbye to a million people. Some of them had been more emotional then others but all important. Except for one category.

My ablas. I feel no need to say goodbye to them at all. 'Cause we can't, we shan't, we won't get lost. As afraid as I am to make any affirmations, I'd say that's a fact.


25.9.14

The end of an era

Dissapointed. Angry. Disillusioned. Glad. Confused. Embarassed. Lady Vengeance.

This is how I feel.

But I'll keep "Glad". Because, after all these years, I'm really wanting this damned good riddance. I've looked back and amended too many years now. To hell with it.

I couldn't be more disappointed, I guess.

Talk to you in a few years.

 

24.9.14

Woman, interrupted

Well, I know that recently I've been boring. It's not about heartbraking stories anymore. Or jobs, university, boy troubles or anything like that. It's been silent recently.

One good reason is that I'm fed up with maaany things. Including my life in Patras. It's always ending but I'm still here. And that's becoming tiring. All my past, the mistakes, the mess, the ugly things are here.

Another reason is that everything is still pending. I still don't know where I'll be going to live in five days from now and that's relatively crazy. You can't begin dreaming of the way your life is going to be, and definitely cannot plan. And that is killing me.

Plus for the fact that I haven't been able to prove some of my past decisions as right. No, if I wanted to be precise I'd say that it's kind of frustrating seing others moving on and yourself in the same shitty mess you created.

But there's something about it that makes everything better. The shit is ending in 1,5 days. Everything's starting again in five days. It might be a little fearsome, but will definitely be better than this.

Goodnight. Sleep tight and watch my dreams come true.