Heat

Cocktails. Driving lessons. The sea. My cousins. The fucking heat. That's what my summer has been all about recently. It's still a bit dull here in Gastouni, but the dullness is sometimes better than the drama. And I can sense the last one near us. The summer is still going on... And, bu the way, the roommates are also still going on, even though I'm thinking about ending this project quite soon, because I feel like I've grown out of it. And here is Kallia and Bella.

Transitions. yet again.

I remember, when I was smaller, I used to love travelling, escaping reality, changing sceneries...I can't say I'm on the same level nowadays. People around me are finding new lovers, graduating, changing houses, cities, countries, losing their precious ones, finding new people, dreaming of the future. And I do too. What we once had in mind as solid is now slowly turning  to ashes. I'm happy and sad about it, at the same time. What could we have done differently? Is there any reason to wonder now? And what does the future hold for us?

Who knows. The only thing you can do is hope. And fight. And adapt. And set your limits. And all over again.

Gastouni next level

Back in the village, things are changing yet again. The title is a very accurate description of my cousin about what's going on in Gastouni: tablets for teaching, chic one-pieces on the beach, phone appications against the "bad eye", crime after hours. This summer doesn't seem spectacular just yet. But with all those people around in Greece...who knows. We'll see

Despicable me

It happens eventually, even though it doesn't on a daily basis. It usually does when you're so full of yourself for a period. I'm talking about feeling realy and truly despicable. It is usually accompanied by people telling you what you've done, because you don't usually realise it. And then it comes and gives you a blow. Truly you can't be doing great all the time.  There surely are times when you hurt others and you don't even realise it. And when you do, you feel despicable. Thinking about it might help. Thinking before you speak might help even more. But it will probably never go away for good. Despicable me, in the end is a way to get down on earth and realise what you're doing to people.

Postpartum depression

I'm writing from a mac today (that's not mine) and it feels akward. I've presented my research project today, at last. I thought I'd feel happy. At first I felt satisfied. But that quicky turned to ashes. How can you feel happy when almost noone can feel happy with you? When you know that your lax summer will be their trip in hell? And let them be. But how can you feel happy about those other ones who were with you but one step forward and are leaving for the big bad world? where they may as well easily leave all the things you've believed together? Truth is, even though I was shouting all those things about wanting to end this, leave etc. I'm fucking afraid. And now that I've delivered the first baby, I'm suffering from post partum depression.

ERT.NOW. part 2

ERT. NOW.

I don't know what country you're from, it's nearly impossible to not have noticed the shutdown of the Greek public tv (ert), the one I was mentionning in my last post. Here in Patras things are calmer. The station can broadcast locally and we haven't yet seen policemen around. There are times when I want to be in Athens, in the middle of everything that's happening. But I would probably never have the chace to leisurly chat with people I just met that I had here. And therefrom, a new project is born. It's not ending any other. But I have found the urge to photograph again.

 

 

...when you at least expect it.

It's been busy lately. I'm writing my thesis, due in 14 days, they are closing the public television and everything is up and coming. We're all in a panicky state lately. But, in the middle of all this (which is my first preocupation from the moment it's started) I found something that had gone missing a long time ago: my inspiration. What we're living now will be a big historical event in some years and my urge for photography has come once again.

And today, after a very long time, I shot a picture that I liked. It's neither important nor serious. But it's fine for a new start.

Happiness

Once upon a time (not far back, really) I thought that I wanted to fall in love. And that was my greatest trouble. What a kid I was. It's been more than a year since that, and really, what does falling in love means? You do, and then what? do you live happily ever after? Or are you in a continuous suffering? Nobody ever tells you that. Even fairytales end in weddings. And is happiness something you wait for Minerva to send you? Or do you have to fight for it?
I was a big idealist at some point. I thought that all my troubles would go away if I fell in love. But recently, I understood that it's not about love. It's about happiness. You can be happy even if your heart doesn't skip a beat every time you see the other person. If it weren't like that we'd need to change partners for forever. And who do you need in your life to be happy? Are friends enough? Are they even more than enough?
They say that you can't appreciate something unless you lose it. It's true. And they even say that there's not only one answer to a question. That's also true. But, concerning some things, you have to be sure to give an answer. So I'll wait. Final station: Happiness.

Confessions of a dancefloor in Patras (with blood sweat and tears optional)

Sometimes I can't understand myself, really. But what I can understand the least are some others. The thing that I like less in this world, I think, is uncertainty. I know it's inevitable. But I hate it the most in cases where it could be otherwise. I hate not knowing how to react when I see things I'd rather not. It's the natural course of things, I know. But the uncertainty drives me nuts. And I don't want to react passively to it again. Not drinking myself to despair. Someone wise would ask me "why still?why are you still upset over him?". I'm not sure myself but I mostly blame it on uncertainty. Another thing I hate in this world is separating with someone and losing them completely. Because it's absurd to think that, from one day to another the feeling of love (I emphasize, love, not passion) is lost. But I've come to accept that. If I can no longer be part of your life, than so be it. I've come to the altruist state to be able to say "I just want you to be happy, either I'm in your life or not" and mean it. But it's not even like this. I know nothing, I'm sure of nothing. If we have to separate places and say that we're going to exchange a rational hello on the few times we're together, then so be it. If we can have a normal (and that's a big word) relationship where we can talk from time to time and be able to meet each other on the road with that someone new and be able to say hello like decent human beings, then so be it. I just hate in betweens. And I'd love to resolve that before I leave this town for good, because otherwise it'll just be "Go to hell, I won't ever see you again and I'm happy for that".