25.1.13

Exceeds expectations part II

When I was a little girl, my mother used to tell me I was perfect. The most beautiful, smart and creative person in the world. She didn't really scold me when I did shitty things, but each and every of my little acheivements seemed to her like a confirmation of her theory. You'd say, how cute, moms are like that etc. I'd say you give a greater look to the non-scolding part. This was the beginning of a blessing and a curse. Having others convinced that you're perfect makes you very confident and very fragile at the same time. Because you have to live up to their expectations. I always remember not understanding things at school and not daring asking, because I'd lose the status. And this went on. You know, if you want to convince someone that you're the way they expect you to be, you'll have to tell a bunch of lies. And if lies seems like too harsh of a word, you'll have to not tell anything that counters the image. And it's fucking shitty. Because we all do it. One makes a superhuman out of a man and then the other has to be a superhuman  to live up to your expectations. And then you get deceived... because that's the end of the story. But the deception is both people's fault.
So, how does one get out of the vicious circle? I think that, after having done and lived everything of the above, the answer is simple. Be truthful. Do not deny expectations alltogether but be aware of who you're doing things for, why and what they are. You'll get a little bit of freedom.

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