Mulipis

It's the first time that I miss Patras. For real. Not my friends, not some specific situation. It's atmosphere.

I don't think that me, not writing all that much here, is a coincidence.

Truth be told, this small place tends to make us less than full humans. This is how I feel.

This is just a little part of it. Sometimes I am surprised from my own amplitude...

(and the whole album)

People are leaving

and I'm creating. It's been the first good photo I've shot in ages. Just enjoy the bittersweetness.

Everything is everything

Honestly, it's been a long time since I wrote here and I am utterly bored of the possible past analysis. What's done is done.

The news are: I've shot a picture I REALLY like! And it's the started of a project, temporarily named "functional-dysfunctional". It's a bit surreal, a bit uncanny, there's something strange going on in the photos, like a "bling" sound. I wouldn't be able to write a prologue to it right now, but I know exactly what kind of photos could fit in it. So enjoy. And be ready for the continuation.

Our near past

Yesterday, I was looking at my old photographs. Nothing very artsy or special, just the way we were. I've moved away for a month and a half and it seems like a miracle to me. That we were able to meet, to be together, to live like that for six years. To have all those wonderful people around me and meet with them whenever I wanted.

Truth be told, I feel lonely here. Partly because I feel that, suddenly, I have noone on the same basis as I am. The things I believe, that we all believed, one way or another, seem outlandish to most around here.

The way we were shall be my pillar for the next stages. 'Cause suddenly, they seem more than tough...

Jeanne d' arc

Long time no see. It's been hectic nowadays. Patras for ten days, then back to Syros and now homework, homework, homework.

But this is not what I want to talk about today. It's my lack of reason, once again. I've realized,  just recently, that I'm a very meddlesome person. Even right now, I heard someone crying and tried to see if it's my neighbor and if I can do something for her. But the conflict arises when I start caring about the affairs of people I've had sexual relationships with.

The things is, they never get my intentions right. And I find it very difficult to leave them alone. So, I end up banging my head on a wall. I visualize myself like an illuminated Jeanne d' arc, holding their hands and pulling them out of their misery.

But the thing is: I'm not Jeanne d' arc, or any other bloody heroine for that matter. And they don't want to be saved. It's just my romanticism talking.

Welcome to the real world. I've earned my first money but still have lots to learn...

Woman, interrupted

Well, I know that recently I've been boring. It's not about heartbraking stories anymore. Or jobs, university, boy troubles or anything like that. It's been silent recently.

One good reason is that I'm fed up with maaany things. Including my life in Patras. It's always ending but I'm still here. And that's becoming tiring. All my past, the mistakes, the mess, the ugly things are here.

Another reason is that everything is still pending. I still don't know where I'll be going to live in five days from now and that's relatively crazy. You can't begin dreaming of the way your life is going to be, and definitely cannot plan. And that is killing me.

Plus for the fact that I haven't been able to prove some of my past decisions as right. No, if I wanted to be precise I'd say that it's kind of frustrating seing others moving on and yourself in the same shitty mess you created.

But there's something about it that makes everything better. The shit is ending in 1,5 days. Everything's starting again in five days. It might be a little fearsome, but will definitely be better than this.

Goodnight. Sleep tight and watch my dreams come true.

After all this time, I can say that I made a photo I'm proud of

...and decided that my funny, absurd, alcoholic friends are the best models of the earth.

Confessions on the summer dancefloor (and my feet hurt)

It's been ages. And such a lot of things have happened.

Turns out, I'm still not a graduate, just don't ask why. It'll all be solved in September, luckily.
I have postgraduate troubles to solve also. Like, deciding where I'll be in October and what vocation I'll choose.
And everything else. Which is no small thing but I really don't wanna talk about it.

I've been touring Patras the day before yesterday. Without a home, like a tourist. It was a new experience. I'm slowly realizing that I've left and it's... strange.

Anyway, let's move to the fun facts. After a month all around Greece, poor homeless me is in Gastouni again. Learning new bad tunes, staying out 'till late, drinking not-so-inspired cocktails. Not doing my graduating project (which I should).

Anyway in some other post I might tell you about what I've been doing in the meantime. Because it's been exciting.

Late at night

I've always been a night owl, since I can remember myself. i always had trouble sleeping early and waking up early and the three first hours of lessons at school were always lost. Since I went to university I've had much more freedom about sleep and could appreciate the charming hours between midnight and dawn.

I've always loved the nightly breeze, the alcohol, the conversations, the dim lighting. And these are the hours when I tend to be more productive in my work. But at night you tend to overdo it. And when you see the sun rising every day, it's not that pleasant anymore.

Keep the charm, sleep before 6 o clock.

I only have six days left of student life and I'll do whatever I can to make them productive. Good night folks :)

Let's get lost and other minute details

I'm a lost case. These past few days have been fuller than full and here I find myself again struggling over a paper. I haven't had as big a difficulty to write something since... well it's the first time. And I'm losing precious time from my graduating project, which is frustrating, since it's deadline is in 16-17 days.

But otherwise I'm strangely calm and satisfied with my life. Making acronyms like a high school girl. Staying awake 'till late. Being curious and stupid. Strange phenomena. Would you bet your horses on me?

(couldn't choose between the two. Really)

Beautiful loser

In my teenage years I read a book that's left a deep impression on me, even though it shouldn't. It's a novel criticising the greek "Upper east side". That's where I fished today's title.

Beautiful loser: a person prone to failures, because of the way they're raised (they've never learned to claim anything, everything belonged to them) who accept them gracefully. Even though I can't fully relate to that, I find it terribly accurate for describing my situation sometimes.

It's almost the end of my (first) student years, living in this town etc. Even though, this year has been one of my most active in town and I only recently grasped that I'm not gonna be able to see all those sceneries frequently. Same goes for people.

But that's not the only reason I've been a beautiful loser recently. It's also because I've decided to accept one of the most natural feelings for humankind. And accept that it's not reciprocated (did I really? good point). And live with that.

Patras is beautiful. The villages around it are beautiful. The cultural teams are beautiful. The election results in this town are beautiful. Wanting to know everything about one person is beautiful. And it's all ending beautifully...

Spring in the city

These days have been super busy and mostly happy, which have led me to not posting here. This Spring has been one of a kind. Work, building, flirting, fighting, coffees, saying goodbye, welcoming new things. The festivals ain't here yet though. The one thing I haven't done in a very long time is shooting seriously. But we can't have it all, can we?

The future looks pink right now.

Been there, done that

It's a nonsense post, de facto. Looking at torn photographs never helps, that's a fact. And yet, it can remind you of what you've done right and what wrong. Shit happens. But it's still under controll. Good night to all of you

A certain sensitive Thursday night

It seems that this city won't see winter this year. So, with your upper cover open, you can roam around. I was always one of the curious kind. Three rooms are lit in this appartment building. Why is there a blue one? And what are people doing inside? Taking a peek at others- imagining what their life looks like. Keeping yourself from looking back even though you know something delirious is going on. Smelling the heavy perfume of a late night female wanderer; one that wears a printed skirt and high heels and you'll probably never again notice. Maybe that kind of curiosity is the one that brought me to photography. Another night bites the dust. Blink and the new day will come.

Walking without crutches is tough but we'll make it, I swear

It's quite strange and dazzling at the same time, seeing how much people can change. And how the conversation changes, too. In the summer of growing up, this could be the best ending. Two people recognising the shit they've been doing all along and moving ahead. You don't really need to marry a gay friend, nor compromise in a relationship that's not moving, even though you're struggling for it. You don't have to use people to make you feel better for a little while. You have to move on an learn how to do it alone, or with a little help. It will work. It has to. And then comes the balance. We'll really make it, wont we?

ERT. NOW.

I don't know what country you're from, it's nearly impossible to not have noticed the shutdown of the Greek public tv (ert), the one I was mentionning in my last post. Here in Patras things are calmer. The station can broadcast locally and we haven't yet seen policemen around. There are times when I want to be in Athens, in the middle of everything that's happening. But I would probably never have the chace to leisurly chat with people I just met that I had here. And therefrom, a new project is born. It's not ending any other. But I have found the urge to photograph again.

 

 

...when you at least expect it.

It's been busy lately. I'm writing my thesis, due in 14 days, they are closing the public television and everything is up and coming. We're all in a panicky state lately. But, in the middle of all this (which is my first preocupation from the moment it's started) I found something that had gone missing a long time ago: my inspiration. What we're living now will be a big historical event in some years and my urge for photography has come once again.

And today, after a very long time, I shot a picture that I liked. It's neither important nor serious. But it's fine for a new start.

Confessions of a dancefloor in Patras (with blood sweat and tears optional)

Sometimes I can't understand myself, really. But what I can understand the least are some others. The thing that I like less in this world, I think, is uncertainty. I know it's inevitable. But I hate it the most in cases where it could be otherwise. I hate not knowing how to react when I see things I'd rather not. It's the natural course of things, I know. But the uncertainty drives me nuts. And I don't want to react passively to it again. Not drinking myself to despair. Someone wise would ask me "why still?why are you still upset over him?". I'm not sure myself but I mostly blame it on uncertainty. Another thing I hate in this world is separating with someone and losing them completely. Because it's absurd to think that, from one day to another the feeling of love (I emphasize, love, not passion) is lost. But I've come to accept that. If I can no longer be part of your life, than so be it. I've come to the altruist state to be able to say "I just want you to be happy, either I'm in your life or not" and mean it. But it's not even like this. I know nothing, I'm sure of nothing. If we have to separate places and say that we're going to exchange a rational hello on the few times we're together, then so be it. If we can have a normal (and that's a big word) relationship where we can talk from time to time and be able to meet each other on the road with that someone new and be able to say hello like decent human beings, then so be it. I just hate in betweens. And I'd love to resolve that before I leave this town for good, because otherwise it'll just be "Go to hell, I won't ever see you again and I'm happy for that".

POFPP festival 2013

Here's to one that talks about what's happening now in the outer world. Tomorrow's the beginning of the festival of the Cultural Student teams of University of Patras. Overcoming a tad of difficulties, we arrived to be able to offer four full days of dance, music, photoraphy, cinema, litterature, theater, visual arts and many more. If you're in the city, you're very welcome to come by the A.S.T.O building, in Valtetsiou str.

And here's the (puzzling, I admit) poster:

Mi confesión

I won't talk about anything concrete today. Just scrape thoughts.
People talk much about life after university nowadays. I do too. I've been through many phases. Screaming out that I want to leave, staying in the place that I'll leave but hold dear, even when I'm not really supposed to, hurting people in the process. Am I satisfied with the situation? not really, but how can you handle smoothly things about whose function you have no idea? Crying doesn't really help. Makng declarations of war doesn't either. And in the process you loose things as important as hope. What does really "fighting for the long run" mean? can you run a marathon? Are you losing the point while saying meaningful things and discarding others that are still meaningful, even though not as much? And why is it that loving people in any way becomes complicated? And then you can't do it anymore, because you're tired of being the only one who's trying. Even if you do it in the wrong way. Cause noone in this life is a given. And you lose people if you don't try to keep them. You do even if you try, many times. But there's still hope. Being frustrated helps, in the long run. You express your feelings and you work on them. Not beeing a goody-two-shoes also helps. Because that's a big lie. Can you hear me? Can you understand what I'm saying? Being a (little) ass helps me communicate. If not, there's nothing else I can do. But I won't believe that until I have to admit complete and utter defeat.