The one I fear the most

You don't usually become a hero once you grow up. And it seems that our generation is full of such expectations.

Here, on my new homely island, I've found a woman. One I sympathize with and, simultaneously, one I don't want to end up like. Tough one, ain't it. Because she's an adorable piece of bull. Open, happy, insecure and fed up. All in one package. And choosing to live alone.

I can relate to many of her characteristics. Seeing her act like she does, I could see a previous version of myself growing up. But I don't think this is me and my future anymore. And this only makes you wonder, did she take the wrong side of the road, or is your own happiness short-lived? I cannot answer to that convincingly right now. But this adorable, rude, drunk, middle-aged mother of five and owner of a high class restaurant triggers my savior instinct. And, considering her case, I feel completely hopeless.

Good night wanderers. And happy new year.

Barfly

Holy cow, it's been a whole two months since I wrote anything here. Well, no wonder. I've been busy flirting with my new man, doing research work for my thesis, ballet, improvisation, living on the island and anywhere else around Greece. No wonder.

This post is about integrity as a social sign. But, being a barfly has nothing to do with a new sweetheart in the end. It has everything to do about a modus vivendi though. And I'd like to say that what hasn't changed was positive in the end.


Still me.

After Drunk

Well well... For starters, the title is just a joke paraphrasing "After Dark". But it is also a reality because yesterday I most definitely drank a whole vineyard.

I hadn't drank as much since before I started dieting. And the best thing: it was all free. But now, I'm enduring the consequences.

Tomorrow I'm playing and then leaving for Athens. Let's see how that goes...

Lady with the headache

I'm back.

My life looks nothing like last year for now. I dance every day but otherwise going out at night, drinking, eating, sleeping comes with a program. And that feels quite good. The only thing I cannot handle is studying.

Everything's under control. Well, I can hardly say so for anything larger than myself. But I like that new person and the possibilities it gives to acting outside of my bubble.

And, if love truly is like oxygen, the reason why I'm having headaches can be explained...

I'm getting boring, I know. The next post will be about DANCE

Mulipis

It's the first time that I miss Patras. For real. Not my friends, not some specific situation. It's atmosphere.

I don't think that me, not writing all that much here, is a coincidence.

Truth be told, this small place tends to make us less than full humans. This is how I feel.

This is just a little part of it. Sometimes I am surprised from my own amplitude...

(and the whole album)

I don't wanna work today

And so, I'm doing everything to avoid it.Since it has a deadline in 3-4 hours, though, I guess this is the last thing that I'll do before carrying on with it.

A very rich month has passed, since I last posted. But I don't have the time to talk about it. Kudos to all of you.

Hello there. The angel from my nighmare. The shadow in the background of the morgue

Many things have come by. I won't talk about them, once more. I'm not suffering though. Too old to do that. Things get far more complicated than that. Good night to you, fellows.

Proud of myself

Being proud of oneself is a great deal, I daresay. There are many ways to. Some people are proud when they've created something. I will admit that I've almost never felt that. For me, being proud has everything to do about doing right in human relationships (and being the same person drunk and sober). And it's the first time that I haven't shamed myself, in a while.

Well just another self-centered post. But believe me, you've missed the worst.

PS. I've decided to expand the blogs I read also to music ones. Take a check

It's complicated part I

Did you ever end up laying inside a sleeping bag in your own home, on your own bed? I have. The story behind this isn't so important (or, I'd rather not talk about it).

Rien ne va plus? Not quite. I'm having a sober day and a busy tomorrow. Let's see...

Intermezzo

A boring easter holiday (or remembering-forgetting)

This Easter holiday has been quite uneventful. Syros is beautiful as usual and going to Myconos has been a (mild) experience but, otherwise, nothing really groundbreaking is going on.Hanging on with the same people, having drinks without expectations, sleeping as much as one can, not doing my homework, having a mess of a house that can't fully handle three grown-ups with requirements. And, of course, I'm missing the Gastouni factor. Bad music, great cocktails by the sea, my cousins and the local gossip. Well, that has been an experience I'm not keen on repeating.

Anyway, that boredom has (curiously) reminded me of one thing. It's been a lot of years since I've been in love with anyone. I think that this actually contrasts with the boredom waves.

My hopes are on the next week. Happy Easter to all of you.

Tranquility

I could write a book, once again. But there's no need. Hard earned money fits my tranquility right now. Good night to all of you.

Confused and...confused

I'm turning 25 soon and I've never been more confused in my life. But let's start from the beginning of it all.

Syros is getting warmer and pleasant. One thing I definitely hate in islands (and now, I can say it from experience)is the cold epoch. I mean, snow tempest on an island? It's definitely awful. And when the weather gets pleasant enough to walk around with one (or two) light cardigans, you can't expect but hope for the best.

What now? Hell, why? Who knows.


We'll see.

Carnival paranoia

Did it again

It's been a long time, hasn't it? I can share the news with you.
a. I can finally write a post on my cellphone (which is what I'm doing right now!).
B. I'm having exams (after two years) and that's tough.
c. I ve learned nothing from the past, it seems...
D. We're having a new government in Greece.

Many things are happening. But noone can predict what will be going on in two months....

You're not the only one

I wonder how much the crisis affected people's self-esteem. Not being able to find a job is rough. Not getting paid is rough. But those are the obvious causes of malaise.

What about human relationships in general? When you've put misery in the daily order and every morning you wake up afraid, what could ever happen to your self-esteem? Plus, everything seems shallow. Because depth needs time and time needs a set mind.

My generation is alternating between fear, fugue and shallowness. It's tough to feel that you got no future and even the most convinced of all cannot but be affected. In times like these simple-seeming things like friendship, love and near-future seem difficult and scary.

I've been a victim of that. And you know what's the worse? you feel like you're the only one on earth who feels like this. You're not. And this is the first key to get out of the misery and into anger. 'cause a whole generation is the victim of massive depression.

Fuck'em

Longing

Uh-ow.

I'm into that mood again.

The world is shaking, we can still be surprised it seems. People are dying, others don't care, we take sides.

I damaged my foot again and had to spend the weekend with crutches. Of course, that didn't prevent me from anything.

What can we do in those 23 days remaining 'till 2015?

And why do I not want to leave anymore?

Hell's bells. I'm growing old and not learning.

Revolution solution.

Our near past

Yesterday, I was looking at my old photographs. Nothing very artsy or special, just the way we were. I've moved away for a month and a half and it seems like a miracle to me. That we were able to meet, to be together, to live like that for six years. To have all those wonderful people around me and meet with them whenever I wanted.

Truth be told, I feel lonely here. Partly because I feel that, suddenly, I have noone on the same basis as I am. The things I believe, that we all believed, one way or another, seem outlandish to most around here.

The way we were shall be my pillar for the next stages. 'Cause suddenly, they seem more than tough...

Jeanne d' arc

Long time no see. It's been hectic nowadays. Patras for ten days, then back to Syros and now homework, homework, homework.

But this is not what I want to talk about today. It's my lack of reason, once again. I've realized,  just recently, that I'm a very meddlesome person. Even right now, I heard someone crying and tried to see if it's my neighbor and if I can do something for her. But the conflict arises when I start caring about the affairs of people I've had sexual relationships with.

The things is, they never get my intentions right. And I find it very difficult to leave them alone. So, I end up banging my head on a wall. I visualize myself like an illuminated Jeanne d' arc, holding their hands and pulling them out of their misery.

But the thing is: I'm not Jeanne d' arc, or any other bloody heroine for that matter. And they don't want to be saved. It's just my romanticism talking.

Welcome to the real world. I've earned my first money but still have lots to learn...

Nostalgia

The internet can be a bit shitty sometimes, especially when you haven't had it for so long. For me, it's been a trip to my memory's pits. And suddenly, you're back in primary school. The place you grew up in, your first heartbeats (and not only innocent ones), the scenery. Even though your body remains in Ermoupolis, Syros.

And thus, I realize that change also brings the need to solidify the basics. And that it's big time to visit the place that raised me.