29.12.14

Shiny looks, empty contents

Christmas is the period where everyone tends to be a little showy. Shiny outfits, glamorous situations, cozy homes, perfect families, the best photo under the mistletoe. Even if you won't be able to spend the rest of the month, the turkey shall always decorate the table. And in the end, there's nothing more dreadful than the family table, full of people who are trying too much, who are exhausted from their everyday lives, who don't even want to be with each other, having useless fights.

I'm being quite the antisocial lately, I know. But if you get beyond all that showiness, you can arrive to things that really matter. Like, who is really close to you, who you can have meaningful relationships with and what makes you calm, what are the reasons for you to carry on.

I'm in the country where I grew up and I feel calm and collected. And preparing for what comes next...

Happy holidays everyone.

26.12.14

Perfect day, perfect relationship, perfect ideals and other bullshit

Ho ho hooo everyone. After stuffing my stomach with multi-culti delicacies (and not bothering to photograph the exotic christmas table once again), I've sobered up and thought about this.

Lately, I've been doing something I didn't use to. Which is, envying others. Not in a bad way for others, just for me. And, while thinking that what other people have is perfect, you just throw your own inferiority complex to the pits.

But that's just a pile of bollocks. Every of those "perfect" things that we perceive comes from an endless struggle with yourself AND the people around you. So, what do we really envy? A ghost of reality?

I'm too tired to go on. Maybe another time. For now, the song is for you...


12.12.14

You're not the only one

I wonder how much the crisis affected people's self-esteem. Not being able to find a job is rough. Not getting paid is rough. But those are the obvious causes of malaise.

What about human relationships in general? When you've put misery in the daily order and every morning you wake up afraid, what could ever happen to your self-esteem? Plus, everything seems shallow. Because depth needs time and time needs a set mind.

My generation is alternating between fear, fugue and shallowness. It's tough to feel that you got no future and even the most convinced of all cannot but be affected. In times like these simple-seeming things like friendship, love and near-future seem difficult and scary.

I've been a victim of that. And you know what's the worse? you feel like you're the only one on earth who feels like this. You're not. And this is the first key to get out of the misery and into anger. 'cause a whole generation is the victim of massive depression.

Fuck'em


8.12.14

Longing

Uh-ow.

I'm into that mood again.

The world is shaking, we can still be surprised it seems. People are dying, others don't care, we take sides.

I damaged my foot again and had to spend the weekend with crutches. Of course, that didn't prevent me from anything.

What can we do in those 23 days remaining 'till 2015?

And why do I not want to leave anymore?

Hell's bells. I'm growing old and not learning.

Revolution solution.





2.12.14

Everything is everything

Honestly, it's been a long time since I wrote here and I am utterly bored of the possible past analysis. What's done is done.

The news are: I've shot a picture I REALLY like! And it's the started of a project, temporarily named "functional-dysfunctional". It's a bit surreal, a bit uncanny, there's something strange going on in the photos, like a "bling" sound. I wouldn't be able to write a prologue to it right now, but I know exactly what kind of photos could fit in it. So enjoy. And be ready for the continuation.


12.11.14

Our near past

Yesterday, I was looking at my old photographs. Nothing very artsy or special, just the way we were. I've moved away for a month and a half and it seems like a miracle to me. That we were able to meet, to be together, to live like that for six years. To have all those wonderful people around me and meet with them whenever I wanted.

Truth be told, I feel lonely here. Partly because I feel that, suddenly, I have noone on the same basis as I am. The things I believe, that we all believed, one way or another, seem outlandish to most around here.

The way we were shall be my pillar for the next stages. 'Cause suddenly, they seem more than tough...

7.11.14

Jeanne d' arc

Long time no see. It's been hectic nowadays. Patras for ten days, then back to Syros and now homework, homework, homework.

But this is not what I want to talk about today. It's my lack of reason, once again. I've realized,  just recently, that I'm a very meddlesome person. Even right now, I heard someone crying and tried to see if it's my neighbor and if I can do something for her. But the conflict arises when I start caring about the affairs of people I've had sexual relationships with.

The things is, they never get my intentions right. And I find it very difficult to leave them alone. So, I end up banging my head on a wall. I visualize myself like an illuminated Jeanne d' arc, holding their hands and pulling them out of their misery.

But the thing is: I'm not Jeanne d' arc, or any other bloody heroine for that matter. And they don't want to be saved. It's just my romanticism talking.

Welcome to the real world. I've earned my first money but still have lots to learn...

19.10.14

Nostalgia

The internet can be a bit shitty sometimes, especially when you haven't had it for so long. For me, it's been a trip to my memory's pits. And suddenly, you're back in primary school. The place you grew up in, your first heartbeats (and not only innocent ones), the scenery. Even though your body remains in Ermoupolis, Syros.

And thus, I realize that change also brings the need to solidify the basics. And that it's big time to visit the place that raised me.

18.10.14

Big girls don't cry

Despite what you might believe from the title, my life in Syros is quite great (and I've got internet at home from yesterday, so welcome back). The nearest beach is 5 min. away from my house, the weather is great, the master is just what I was looking for etcetera. But it's tough to know noone, to be accustomed to noone.

Have you ever been in a state when you're angry but there's no one you're accustomed to enough to fight with? Tough one, I swear. Yesterday I fought with myself for the first time in my life. But I've been able to put things in their righteous place. Cause big girls can handle their shit alone.

It's not holy Arcadia here. But it's still a very good start.

28.9.14

Blank

aka people you don't need to say goodbye to.

My new life is starting in less than 7 hours and I'm still awake (no wonder), anguished about everything. I take what I said yesterday back. No good riddance needed. Just a bit of space and nice feelings.

But honestly, I've been trying to mend all loose ends and said goodbye to a million people. Some of them had been more emotional then others but all important. Except for one category.

My ablas. I feel no need to say goodbye to them at all. 'Cause we can't, we shan't, we won't get lost. As afraid as I am to make any affirmations, I'd say that's a fact.


25.9.14

The end of an era

Dissapointed. Angry. Disillusioned. Glad. Confused. Embarassed. Lady Vengeance.

This is how I feel.

But I'll keep "Glad". Because, after all these years, I'm really wanting this damned good riddance. I've looked back and amended too many years now. To hell with it.

I couldn't be more disappointed, I guess.

Talk to you in a few years.

 

24.9.14

Woman, interrupted

Well, I know that recently I've been boring. It's not about heartbraking stories anymore. Or jobs, university, boy troubles or anything like that. It's been silent recently.

One good reason is that I'm fed up with maaany things. Including my life in Patras. It's always ending but I'm still here. And that's becoming tiring. All my past, the mistakes, the mess, the ugly things are here.

Another reason is that everything is still pending. I still don't know where I'll be going to live in five days from now and that's relatively crazy. You can't begin dreaming of the way your life is going to be, and definitely cannot plan. And that is killing me.

Plus for the fact that I haven't been able to prove some of my past decisions as right. No, if I wanted to be precise I'd say that it's kind of frustrating seing others moving on and yourself in the same shitty mess you created.

But there's something about it that makes everything better. The shit is ending in 1,5 days. Everything's starting again in five days. It might be a little fearsome, but will definitely be better than this.

Goodnight. Sleep tight and watch my dreams come true.

23.9.14

Always leaving, still here

As usual, I'd have tons of words to give you. But instead, I'll give you this

13.9.14

Leave, please, do.

It's absurd.

It's been such a long time since...everything.

I'm leaving town, finally.

But there's something that's still tying me down.

I still don't know what it is.

Good riddance.


30.8.14

After all this time, I can say that I made a photo I'm proud of



...and decided that my funny, absurd, alcoholic friends are the best models of the earth.

18.8.14

All wines taste the same in a plastic cup

...and it's a very good reason not to bring an exquisite varietal wine to a beach party. I've had fun though, with the entirety of Gastouni's crème de la crème (they have made up a french nickname, which they spell wrong and it's hilarious).

I have a million things to talk about, as usual. But since they're as many, just keep the title. It can be more meaningful than it seems.

16.8.14

Confessions on the summer dancefloor (and my feet hurt)

It's been ages. And such a lot of things have happened.

Turns out, I'm still not a graduate, just don't ask why. It'll all be solved in September, luckily.
I have postgraduate troubles to solve also. Like, deciding where I'll be in October and what vocation I'll choose.
And everything else. Which is no small thing but I really don't wanna talk about it.

I've been touring Patras the day before yesterday. Without a home, like a tourist. It was a new experience. I'm slowly realizing that I've left and it's... strange.

Anyway, let's move to the fun facts. After a month all around Greece, poor homeless me is in Gastouni again. Learning new bad tunes, staying out 'till late, drinking not-so-inspired cocktails. Not doing my graduating project (which I should).

Anyway in some other post I might tell you about what I've been doing in the meantime. Because it's been exciting.


9.7.14

Leaving town

The cardboard boxes are here. It's ending. Even though I haven't had time to think about it. My house won't be mine in just a few days. I won't be living here anymore. And it feels like...nothing. I've realised nothing yet.

Not being able to nominate causes and situations is troubling. But, so be it.

See you soon...


27.6.14

The troubles of being a graduate

Truth is, getting your degree and leaving stage one of university isn't as idyllic as it sounds. I just welcomed myself to the world of unemployment. And lost my insurance. But it's not as bad as I make it sound either. You've completed step one, and now are free to live everything that comes ahead.

And now to the main point: the troubles.

A. I have a humongous writers block. I've always had an ability when it came to words; be it written or spoken. But lately, I can't seem to write a line. Not in my blog. I mean in motivation letters, books, articles etc.  And it's troubling. I feel that my words are tangled up inside me and they won't get out right. And I'd like to solve that soon, 'cause I've found a new knack in writing articles (which I currently can't write).

B. I can't sleep well. I hope that's gonna resolve itself with time.

C. Everything else. Like when I'm moving, where I'm going, how to get an insurance, how to live independently etc. Vacations anyone?

I guess we'll have a job troubles sequel soon...


25.6.14

Doing nothing (and how that feels like).

It's been 6 days since I've de facto finished. I'm still bothered by lots of paperwork, bureaucracy etc, but it's not the same anymore. And everybody wonders how that feels like.

The answer (or at least my answer) is ok. And a bit lonely. I've had the time to do all the thinking about leaving, the future, the people and so much more last year. And in the beginning of this year also. So I'm over that. I've been through sadness, anger, nostalgia, happiness, sorrow, yearning. Now I'm back to zero.

Truth be told, I don't wanna leave home nowadays. Graduate blues are here yet again. I'm not eager on doing things I couldn't. Maybe the heat plays a part in this. Maybe my emotional situation. In any case, the best thing I can do is raise my ass and get out. See you around maybe.   

13.6.14

Late at night

I've always been a night owl, since I can remember myself. i always had trouble sleeping early and waking up early and the three first hours of lessons at school were always lost. Since I went to university I've had much more freedom about sleep and could appreciate the charming hours between midnight and dawn.

I've always loved the nightly breeze, the alcohol, the conversations, the dim lighting. And these are the hours when I tend to be more productive in my work. But at night you tend to overdo it. And when you see the sun rising every day, it's not that pleasant anymore.

Keep the charm, sleep before 6 o clock.

I only have six days left of student life and I'll do whatever I can to make them productive. Good night folks :)

9.6.14

Madness

I'm on a deadline, one of the most stressful I've ever had. Two deadlines, to be correct: the one is tomorrow and the other in 10 days. And I have been doing everything I could to avoid them. Like, for instance, a naked night bath with shitty weather. But let's get going.

There is a reason why the word deadline has this prexif. It is deadly. It explodes half of your brain. But if you're a person that works efficiently under stressful conditions (I am one of those) then you make it.

Nonsense post again. I had to complain here too, I guess. Good luck to me.

2.6.14

Let's get lost and other minute details

I'm a lost case. These past few days have been fuller than full and here I find myself again struggling over a paper. I haven't had as big a difficulty to write something since... well it's the first time. And I'm losing precious time from my graduating project, which is frustrating, since it's deadline is in 16-17 days.

But otherwise I'm strangely calm and satisfied with my life. Making acronyms like a high school girl. Staying awake 'till late. Being curious and stupid. Strange phenomena. Would you bet your horses on me?




(couldn't choose between the two. Really)

26.5.14

Beautiful loser

In my teenage years I read a book that's left a deep impression on me, even though it shouldn't. It's a novel criticising the greek "Upper east side". That's where I fished today's title.

Beautiful loser: a person prone to failures, because of the way they're raised (they've never learned to claim anything, everything belonged to them) who accept them gracefully. Even though I can't fully relate to that, I find it terribly accurate for describing my situation sometimes.

It's almost the end of my (first) student years, living in this town etc. Even though, this year has been one of my most active in town and I only recently grasped that I'm not gonna be able to see all those sceneries frequently. Same goes for people.

But that's not the only reason I've been a beautiful loser recently. It's also because I've decided to accept one of the most natural feelings for humankind. And accept that it's not reciprocated (did I really? good point). And live with that.

Patras is beautiful. The villages around it are beautiful. The cultural teams are beautiful. The election results in this town are beautiful. Wanting to know everything about one person is beautiful. And it's all ending beautifully...

13.5.14

Romance, my ass

One of my two worst flaws is being a hopeless romantic. The other one is my impatience, but I'm not gonna elaborate about it now.

Being a hopeless romantic means that you tend to see the best out of people and create imaginary situations. And that you get badly dissapointed with all those that ain't how you thought they were. And that you appreciate things that others can't seem to grasp. And that you let yourself suffer more than others.

I don't think that romantics have diminished recently, only they've made their cover better, like superheroes, and you can't distinguish them. But otherwise, people are misanthropes nowadays and get happy at others suffering. In any case, even though I think that my romanticism is a flaw, this is something I can't get.


9.5.14

Women on the verge of childish behaviour

One of my main worries of the month is now gone and I feel a tiny bit relieved. But this is not what I'm gonna talk about today.

One of my concerns of the last years has been handling our growing-up and the transgressions from one stage to another. I can partly accept the motto "We make the same mistakes when we're older, only we've made them before" but it deeply concerns me. Why is it that we get older but tend to have the same shitty behaviour as when we begun our first, trembling steps in the real world?

When it comes to love, I see immatureness all around. Friends nearing their thirties afraid to accept they're in love. Others behaving badly to people who don't deserve it. Misunderstandings, dishonesty, suffering, emotional releases. Is the end of university too soon to have achieved a level of maturity? Is it that, in the odd years we've lived in and those that come ahead, immaturity is a way to rebel? And if so, when are we going to welcome equilibre?

I feel very negatively about people who encourage others to "stay the way they are". Life is all about evolution (and revolution) and those who stay are those who are lost. But, in this whole moving forward atmosphere, there is a little exeption: things you don't want to change.

And then comes the unexpected, the illogical, the funny, the sad, the one that makes you shiver...


Keep the childish behaviour if it's not destroying you. The end.

28.4.14

Destroying to create

These last days have been as intense as the previous ones. Leaving a place you've lived in for five years sure is tough. But I couldn't shed a tear. Because creating the new one keeps my mind so occupied that I can't bother with past tenses. To the future.

(song that has nothing to do with the concept)

22.4.14

Apologies accepted

It's been a fun few days. Not as intense as they usually are, but perfect for someone who had to rest after and before a big deal of work. And so, I'll skip to conclusions.

A. I've been bragging about how superficial relationships are around here. As a matter of fact, the smaller the place, the more people tend to care more for their image. BUT, as my smart cousin accurately pointed, it's not a characteristic of this place only, it's a general illness. And not everybody is like this, these people are the ones you see the most. And, I've found out a place where people are interesting. So, cheers for that.

B. Arkoudi is amazing but it can wash your money off in jsut a few hours. You can't abandon it though 'cause it's simply amazing (and sorry for repeating myself).

C. There's something better than gin tonic. It's called gin w soda and lemon juice and it helps you digest all the meat you've been devouring in easter festivities.

D. You can shoot many beautiful things if you find even a tiny interest in them.

 
(like this)
 
Since I'll be back tomorrow...happy rest of the holidays for those of you who are still on vacation.

19.4.14

Confessions on the altar

No, I'm not getting married. But religion has been one of the hottest topics around Gastouni these last days (and it's Easter. Makes sense).

Few things have changed around here. The pretention levels are on their max, "hot" women have fun, "hot" men have their eyes full and everybody else is trying to be like them. Boring, really. The usual Gossip girl-lookalike scenery. But some things have indeed changed: a. the bars are quite empty. Curiously the ones missing are the ones you'd like to see the most. The rest are underage drinkers and posers you despise. b. There is a new place whose music is quite bearable. It might lack originality (here's why) but it can't compare to 3d rate greek songs. And the barman makes good cocktails, (which is a rarity, coming from my mouth). c. I feel no real need to go out. A chill noon in Arkoudi has much more meaning to me nowadays than a crazy night out.

While reading books I've first read when I was a child, I'm working on two things: 1. my patience 2. my snobbism. Because I'm halfway on the road to who I'd like to be, but I'm still quite satisfied with what I have now.

Happy Easter everyone. To good deeds.


18.4.14

Confessions on the dancefloor 2014 style

I'm back in my beloved village, enjoying all the small things, after a month of hard labour. My hands smell like ilford fixer (god knows why), the local joks are dancing in almost empty bars and things are as usual, only less crouded. Gastouni feels very pleasant this year, especially since it comes without any anxiety. New bars open, that play lists from kasetophono, but when you need your usual dose of bad greek music, the old ones are still there. I might even get my camera out this year. Let's see...

12.4.14

Underneath it all

People have certain particular characteristics, don't they? But you never notice them until you start having stronger feelings about them. Be it friendship, love or even hate. And they become essential to your way of seing them. I'm talking about the little things. Like dipping your fingers in a glass of alcohol while you're drinking it or making a vowelless sound in the end of a phrase when you're perplexed. Things that you love learning about someone. To see who is hiding underneath it all. There will be a sequel to this

8.4.14

Spring in the city

These days have been super busy and mostly happy, which have led me to not posting here. This Spring has been one of a kind. Work, building, flirting, fighting, coffees, saying goodbye, welcoming new things. The festivals ain't here yet though. The one thing I haven't done in a very long time is shooting seriously. But we can't have it all, can we?

The future looks pink right now.

3.4.14

Living near a strip club

This post should've been full of words to cover up for the absence. But after long hours of suffering and organising and creating there are hardly words left. My life has been going with helluva rythms lately. So, here's for your enjoyment:


14.3.14

One's achievements

 
(being 24 is quite dull but this is something I'm proud about)

10.3.14

The beginning of all stories

I've noticed that not writing in my blog for some time probaly means one of two things: either I'm blantantly happy or extremely busy. This case was the second, with some anxious sickly blues added. But I'm fine now.
I'm turning 24 in four days. It not a signature age and I won't get a coup-de-blues. But I guess I've learned a lot through it. I've been depressed, happy, extremely angry, bored, done things very important for the rest of my life, felt like a teenager again, forgiven people and situations, got my self esteem back, admitted a lot of things. I'm at a good point for my life.
Some days ago, I've decided to stop telling stories and start living them again. Today seems to tell me that they're still necessary. To help people keep going on.
In the end, is tragedy worse than mediocrity? Think about it... and good night.

22.2.14

Playing cupid

...has been my thing since I remember my preteen self. Talking about love and giving a helping hand for its realisation has always been my thing. A little talk here, a little situation arranging there, done. Or not. Experiencing love through everyone elses love story can be amazing, can't it? Otherwise we'd never read romance novels. But it can be quite difficult if your own love life keeps your hands full. And also, if it has made you experience lost friendships, ugly misuderstandings, too much involvement. I had stopped playing cupid for a very long time and also for very good reasons. But time has betrayed me once again...

(my new pride)

18.2.14

The first cockroach of the year and other stories

This year has been as charged in events as any other sofar, but, being liberated from the semi-calvinism that ruled the last four, counts the biggest times of laughter with friends. Seing your graduation coming closer can make you do a lot of foolish things. But it can also lead you to having countless, well deserved fun. The first cockroach of the year, which I've seen dead near my appartment building's staircase looks like a warning. "Careful with the fun, sis', it's not over yet and it needs hard labour". But still, it's a long way to having fun in the making.

13.2.14

Been there, done that

It's a nonsense post, de facto. Looking at torn photographs never helps, that's a fact. And yet, it can remind you of what you've done right and what wrong. Shit happens. But it's still under controll. Good night to all of you

31.1.14

A certain sensitive Thursday night

It seems that this city won't see winter this year. So, with your upper cover open, you can roam around. I was always one of the curious kind. Three rooms are lit in this appartment building. Why is there a blue one? And what are people doing inside? Taking a peek at others- imagining what their life looks like. Keeping yourself from looking back even though you know something delirious is going on. Smelling the heavy perfume of a late night female wanderer; one that wears a printed skirt and high heels and you'll probably never again notice. Maybe that kind of curiosity is the one that brought me to photography. Another night bites the dust. Blink and the new day will come.

25.1.14

The men of my life

For starters, they're all adorable. That might not be the best adjective for them (if they ever read it) but it's my truth. They might be short or tall, blonde or dark (even though it tends to the second), talkative or almost silent. They might be serious or total jerks at times, clumsy, sing out of tune, play wonderful music, be seductive. They give me hope to carry on, each one in their own way. So, a song for them:

18.1.14

A new day has come

Satisfaction isn't something you get just by winning. If you play a fair game, you can be satisfied even when you lose. Because you haven't been shitty to arrive to that. And then a new day comes. You still have to deal with the general contexts of your life and that of others. But you've dealt with one of the issues successfully. Whatever that may mean. And the morning sun comes and deals with you, once again. "Shit, I should've slept earlier"

16.1.14

Erase and rewind

Regardless. It's what I use to say, seeming indifferent (and copying my friend, Bris). Betting is a way to win. But, as it seems, it's a way to lose also. So when the result is of little importance, the answer is this:

11.1.14

Ages and stages

When I was 20, I thought that I knew the ways of the world. I had gotten into the love arena maybe a bit earlier than others and I was so sure about myself. Now I'm almost 24 and aware that I don't know shit.
Well, let's not be nihilists. Experiences accumulated are always welcome, and they make you wiser. But it cannot be a guide to the feelings of everyone else. Because people aren't that predictable. "He's not that into you" is a timeless phrase and you don't have to psychoanalyze every little move and touch of the other person but it also ain't the answer to anything. So. the solution is to play and try and see. And one of the good things about being 23 to 24 is that you've already been there and done that. Cheers to the next year!

10.1.14

Obsessions

I've realised recently that the more you have slept and the less you fret over little things, the more confident you are about your whole life. But this is not always possible. And when fatigue comes, obsessions come with it. You can get obsessed with people, objects, situations. But never forget the reality check


1.1.14

Another one bites the dust

I've realised that, as the years go by, that anniversaries seem less meaningful than yesteryears. Who the hell cares about birthdays and namedays anymore? And even worse, christmas. And easter, and every christian festivity. So, I had to jump-start my festive mood. And it worked.

Another year bites the dust. But our expectations from the next one are high... happy new year!