When I first started this blog, I was a 19 year old ignorant. In a month or so I'll be 26 and many things have changed since then. I don't think I'll be able to post as much, or find any more followers, but these are things that matter little to me anymore.
Well, the phase that I'm in is all about changes and plans. In 4 months (sounds pretty scary) I'll be free from this island and, by the way, a master degree graduate. And then comes Athens, work, insurance, paying for your own life etc, etc, etc. I can't wait.
"Adult" life is all about choices (or the ones you don't have). Earning enough money to pay my rent will be a whole new exciting experience. I don't know when or how I will achieve this, but, seriously, I can't wait.
You don't usually become a hero once you grow up. And it seems that our generation is full of such expectations.
Here, on my new homely island, I've found a woman. One I sympathize with and, simultaneously, one I don't want to end up like. Tough one, ain't it. Because she's an adorable piece of bull. Open, happy, insecure and fed up. All in one package. And choosing to live alone.
I can relate to many of her characteristics. Seeing her act like she does, I could see a previous version of myself growing up. But I don't think this is me and my future anymore. And this only makes you wonder, did she take the wrong side of the road, or is your own happiness short-lived? I cannot answer to that convincingly right now. But this adorable, rude, drunk, middle-aged mother of five and owner of a high class restaurant triggers my savior instinct. And, considering her case, I feel completely hopeless.
My life looks nothing like last year for now. I dance every day but otherwise going out at night, drinking, eating, sleeping comes with a program. And that feels quite good. The only thing I cannot handle is studying.
Everything's under control. Well, I can hardly say so for anything larger than myself. But I like that new person and the possibilities it gives to acting outside of my bubble.
And, if love truly is like oxygen, the reason why I'm having headaches can be explained...
I'm getting boring, I know. The next post will be about DANCE
And so, I'm doing everything to avoid it.Since it has a deadline in 3-4 hours, though, I guess this is the last thing that I'll do before carrying on with it.
A very rich month has passed, since I last posted. But I don't have the time to talk about it. Kudos to all of you.
Many things have come by. I won't talk about them, once more. I'm not suffering though. Too old to do that. Things get far more complicated than that. Good night to you, fellows.
Did you ever end up laying inside a sleeping bag in your own home, on your own bed? I have. The story behind this isn't so important (or, I'd rather not talk about it).
Rien ne va plus? Not quite. I'm having a sober day and a busy tomorrow. Let's see...
I'm 25 now. And when I think that I was 19 when I started this blog, I have mixed feelings. Since then, I've moved to another town (an island, even), finished architecture school and started an Msc, had a tremendous love life (in both senses), and of course, some things remain. Like my friends and my beliefs, and I'm very glad about that. But there's one thing that has been troubling me which ain't recent at all. In the end, are we growing up or down? I've had a moment of clarity yesterday (as I recently do when hung over) where I've realized that, in my case, it's probably down.
Experience ain't always a good thing, I tell you. At least it isn't, if it's accompanied by assimilation. You are exposed to something, you reject it, and then it happens again and slowly it's part of what you accept. STOP IT WHILE IT'S STILL EASY. Otherwise you'll end up, as your parents predicted, following their steps. Or worse.
A birthday can always be a day for reflection. Who have I been and what have I done for the last x years? Have the last ones been better than the previous? If not it might be time for change.
Beware honeybunnies. If I wrote this post yesterday it would be a cream-and-roses- filled delirious and a little bit dangerous romance. But let's use experience to avoid trouble for once.
I'm turning 25 soon and I've never been more confused in my life. But let's start from the beginning of it all.
Syros is getting warmer and pleasant. One thing I definitely hate in islands (and now, I can say it from experience)is the cold epoch. I mean, snow tempest on an island? It's definitely awful. And when the weather gets pleasant enough to walk around with one (or two) light cardigans, you can't expect but hope for the best.
Ho ho hooo everyone. After stuffing my stomach with multi-culti delicacies (and not bothering to photograph the exotic christmas table once again), I've sobered up and thought about this.
Lately, I've been doing something I didn't use to. Which is, envying others. Not in a bad way for others, just for me. And, while thinking that what other people have is perfect, you just throw your own inferiority complex to the pits.
But that's just a pile of bollocks. Every of those "perfect" things that we perceive comes from an endless struggle with yourself AND the people around you. So, what do we really envy? A ghost of reality?
I'm too tired to go on. Maybe another time. For now, the song is for you...
I wonder how much the crisis affected people's self-esteem. Not being able to find a job is rough. Not getting paid is rough. But those are the obvious causes of malaise.
What about human relationships in general? When you've put misery in the daily order and every morning you wake up afraid, what could ever happen to your self-esteem? Plus, everything seems shallow. Because depth needs time and time needs a set mind.
My generation is alternating between fear, fugue and shallowness. It's tough to feel that you got no future and even the most convinced of all cannot but be affected. In times like these simple-seeming things like friendship, love and near-future seem difficult and scary.
I've been a victim of that. And you know what's the worse? you feel like you're the only one on earth who feels like this. You're not. And this is the first key to get out of the misery and into anger. 'cause a whole generation is the victim of massive depression.
Dissapointed. Angry. Disillusioned. Glad. Confused. Embarassed. Lady Vengeance.
This is how I feel.
But I'll keep "Glad". Because, after all these years, I'm really wanting this damned good riddance. I've looked back and amended too many years now. To hell with it.
It's been ages. And such a lot of things have happened.
Turns out, I'm still not a graduate, just don't ask why. It'll all be solved in September, luckily.
I have postgraduate troubles to solve also. Like, deciding where I'll be in October and what vocation I'll choose.
And everything else. Which is no small thing but I really don't wanna talk about it.
I've been touring Patras the day before yesterday. Without a home, like a tourist. It was a new experience. I'm slowly realizing that I've left and it's... strange.
Anyway, let's move to the fun facts. After a month all around Greece, poor homeless me is in Gastouni again. Learning new bad tunes, staying out 'till late, drinking not-so-inspired cocktails. Not doing my graduating project (which I should).
Anyway in some other post I might tell you about what I've been doing in the meantime. Because it's been exciting.
The cardboard boxes are here. It's ending. Even though I haven't had time to think about it. My house won't be mine in just a few days. I won't be living here anymore. And it feels like...nothing. I've realised nothing yet.
Not being able to nominate causes and situations is troubling. But, so be it.
