Living like a first year again. And getting over it.

The word "last" is a tough one usually. One that makes you want to enjoy it a lot more than all the previous ones. One that makes you anxious about what will be the "first" that comes after the "last". One that can make your head go round. It happened to me too. Being the last year of university life, I found myself partying like crazy. And going out on every occasion. And starting a bunch of new things. And somehow I found myself dazed and confused from all this shit. I understand that anxiousness can lead you to a lot of shitty decisions, but I couldn't concentrate on what I believed anymore. Plus the fact that I'm not in the end of the path but a mere step ahead. And then, I decided to calm down. Because, in the whole anxious rythms, I comletely confused what I wanted to prioritize. Plus, let's be realistic, it costs a lot to be a first year again. :P

PS. I hope the next thing I'll show you here will be a photograph and not my shitty personal situations



One of the shitty things about capitalism and even more of neoliberalism is the mess that becomes of time. You have no time to think, no time to rest, no time to love. It is a system incompatible with human rythms.

And when you've got no time, except the one you work or the one you despair over not working, you have to squeeze everything else in the little time that remains. So, you have to hurry everything. Eat fast, drink fast, get drunk fast, fuck fast, sleep fast, wake up fast, fall in love fast. Except you can't. If you eat fast, you'll get a stomachache and you won't be able to digest for the rest of the day. If you drink fast you'll puke. And let's not even talk about sleeping fast or falling in love fast: they are nonexistent.

I'd like to live in a world where I'd have to work less and do something creative. Where waking up wouldn't be the end of the world and drinking wouldn't always lead to getting drunk. Where I'd take my time to eat and love wouldn't be connected with pressure.

End of a week with a lot of events.


About mood swings, expectations and disappointment

Strange post, considering that I've just returned from a very fulfilling weekend. But mood swings are a tough phenomenon, anyway.

The first thing you can do is accept their existence. Things aren't always rose-colored in our minds and in our environments, so being in a 24/7 joy would be abnormal. The gravity of the feeling depends on the person though. As does the frequency.

One could stay there but I'm not a believer of easy solutions. Next step would be get over it. But not in the form of ignoring it. Getting over it, for me means learning to live with it and not letting it get you out of track. Having violent mood swings feels like walking on a thread. One false step and you're hanging upside down. But, with the right push from the people around you, you can do it.

As for disappointments, they've been a very frequent occurence in my life for the past three years. I could even say that the past year has been a series of massive discouragement. These might be tougher than mood swings, because they teach you not to expect anything, in order not to get hurt. And what life, what struggle can exist without expectations?

Anyway, I'm done with the foolosophy for today. Let's catch a glimpse of the weekend.


Strange days, wonderful days

It's the time of the season (beloved song whose lyrics are always around in this blog) when you don't know if you have to wear boots or sandals. You get mistaken again and again. You start running when others are walking and appreciating the things around you. Eventually, you crash against a wall. You live with anxiety, everyone does nowadays. But you have to slow down, because otherwise you can't think. And these are tricky days which need a lot of brainstorming.

Shorts and boots, concerts, festivals, madness, alcohol, denial, laughter, decisions, arrogance, fatigue, cheesecake, birthdays, photography, this is what my days have been all about. Next wish: inner peace. Tough one.


First things first

I've had my first tooth filling today. And a job prospect. And a gazillion things to talk about, as usual. But it's only gonna be questions today.

Are we happy? are we making ourselves unhappy? are we fretting over nonsense? are we not concious enough? Are we afraid? do we have to hide our desires? would it be better if we all got on the streets until the end? How do we approach people that have left our camp? how do we fulfil the void? is sex a matter of concern, or is it just a sentimental defect? Do we leave people or do they leave us, or maybe both? Do we want to smash the security light next door or do we want to put it in our home too? Who's sane anymore? In the end, is it better to dig around facts or to let them be? This could be an eternal list of cries of agony. But one can answer on his/her own. And thus, humankind still remains. We'll see




I recently rememberd my best date sofar. It was in a chinese restaurant, we argued over metaphysics and started dating three days later. Those were good days. But I don't really want to pout over them or complain about now. Being glad for your past but also over it is something that cannot be neglected. It's a big step towards mastering your fear. Because in reality you're chicken, as Holly Golightly loved saying.
If you've already decided the course of events, how can you live your life? So, cheers to tomorrow. To the unexpected. To not being chicken anymore. To akwardness.