I'm writing from a mac today (that's not mine) and it feels akward. I've presented my research project today, at last. I thought I'd feel happy. At first I felt satisfied. But that quicky turned to ashes. How can you feel happy when almost noone can feel happy with you? When you know that your lax summer will be their trip in hell? And let them be. But how can you feel happy about those other ones who were with you but one step forward and are leaving for the big bad world? where they may as well easily leave all the things you've believed together? Truth is, even though I was shouting all those things about wanting to end this, leave etc. I'm fucking afraid. And now that I've delivered the first baby, I'm suffering from post partum depression.