Glad

Yet another stupid post. Lately, as my student of architecture years are coming to an end, I'm feeling glad. Of the people I've met, of the ones that are my friends, of those who care. When you're in the verge of losing something (yet another sign of growing up, because usually, you learn from things you've already lost) you can appreciate it's value fully. I think that, after many years of useless suffering, I've come to appreciate, once again, the little things that matter. And if they don't distact you from the bigger things you shall fight for, it's a clear win. Goodnight.

Inspiration comes from everyday life

 

and lots of bad snacks

Oh, surprise.

...my project goes on too. And pretty decently, I'd say. Can't wait to get my ass out of exams and shoot more.

Exceeds expectations part II

When I was a little girl, my mother used to tell me I was perfect. The most beautiful, smart and creative person in the world. She didn't really scold me when I did shitty things, but each and every of my little acheivements seemed to her like a confirmation of her theory. You'd say, how cute, moms are like that etc. I'd say you give a greater look to the non-scolding part. This was the beginning of a blessing and a curse. Having others convinced that you're perfect makes you very confident and very fragile at the same time. Because you have to live up to their expectations. I always remember not understanding things at school and not daring asking, because I'd lose the status. And this went on. You know, if you want to convince someone that you're the way they expect you to be, you'll have to tell a bunch of lies. And if lies seems like too harsh of a word, you'll have to not tell anything that counters the image. And it's fucking shitty. Because we all do it. One makes a superhuman out of a man and then the other has to be a superhuman  to live up to your expectations. And then you get deceived... because that's the end of the story. But the deception is both people's fault.
So, how does one get out of the vicious circle? I think that, after having done and lived everything of the above, the answer is simple. Be truthful. Do not deny expectations alltogether but be aware of who you're doing things for, why and what they are. You'll get a little bit of freedom.

Life goes on.

...and then came this song...

...that always keeps me company when I feel like I need something. And it works

Post mortem maritimo

I went to the old lighthouse today. I'd never been there, at least further than the taverns. And then came the mixed feelings. My first thought might have been that it'll be the perfect place to go jogging, that I'd never found in Patras and then came the sea. And the rocks. And the scenery struck me, because it reminded me so much of one person, one era. Of all those emotionally charged moments that we'd talk in front of the sea of this town. Of the times that I was grounchy and strange and he brought me there. And I still couldn't relax. The appreciation of little things had always been my motto so why? I still don't think I've got the answer to that. So today was melancholic and akward. But not in a bad way. And I wondered: what comes post-mortem? I haven't been able to answer to this question sufficiently each and every time something died. It's complicated and needs time. It has limits to what one can or cannot say, but not definite ones, I think. I left the lighthouse wanting to mourn quietly an era that's already over and to welcome a new, uncertain one. That, in the good case could even reintroduce rocks and shores. And even laughter. I've learned to appreciate some more things, after all. 

Exceeds expectations

For starters, have a nice year! It's been calm and nice and thoughtful around here.
I'd like to talk about expectations. or the lack of 'em. As you grow up, people expect more and more things from you. And you can make yourself available to them, or ignore them. There are less-than-necessary expectations and over-the-top expectations. There might be balanced, too, but for the almost 23 years of my life, I don't think I've seen any. And there are the expectations you have for yourself too. What are they, anyway? I've found myself thinking that others expect acting like an adult from me, while I'm still acting like a child. Hearing the words "If I was a client, I'd have liscenced you" should have sent me to the right place. They weren't enough, but I appreciate them. Will they send me to the right direction? I hope so. But let's face it, at 23, you're no child anymore and none is willing to treat you as such.

Goodbye 2012. It's been nice.

As years go by and you get sceptical (and less presents) you start wondering if the end of the year is such a big deal. "So this was Christmas, and what have we done?". With the end of Santa Claus and school holidays and believing in strange coincidences you sober up. At least you're supposed to. Then why the fuss? Why did I feel that the world was ending and had to turn it all over (and don't tell me it's because of 21/12. I always knew it was bullocks)? It's a mystery to me. But if you've felt the same, share, please. So that I ain't the only one paranoid. Tomorrow will be another day.
So, in the end, how was 2012? not boring. But not nearly enough satisfying. We're not done here. So, happy 2013. And be sure that it won't be happy if you don't move your asses and do anything for that.

PS. Maybe this year I'll stop believing in new years resolutions and start doing them. really.

Home again

I've returned to the country I was brought up in for the holidays. I havent been positively anxious the whole night and utterly enthusiastic when arriving. But I feel like I left just yesterday, even though it's been two years since the last time I've been here. Even though I met beggars here for the first time of my life. Even though I ain't got my own house here. It feels like a warm, welcoming home. And for now, I want to do nothing but eat and sleep. Talk again after I've done that...