Exceeds expectations

For starters, have a nice year! It's been calm and nice and thoughtful around here.
I'd like to talk about expectations. or the lack of 'em. As you grow up, people expect more and more things from you. And you can make yourself available to them, or ignore them. There are less-than-necessary expectations and over-the-top expectations. There might be balanced, too, but for the almost 23 years of my life, I don't think I've seen any. And there are the expectations you have for yourself too. What are they, anyway? I've found myself thinking that others expect acting like an adult from me, while I'm still acting like a child. Hearing the words "If I was a client, I'd have liscenced you" should have sent me to the right place. They weren't enough, but I appreciate them. Will they send me to the right direction? I hope so. But let's face it, at 23, you're no child anymore and none is willing to treat you as such.

Goodbye 2012. It's been nice.

As years go by and you get sceptical (and less presents) you start wondering if the end of the year is such a big deal. "So this was Christmas, and what have we done?". With the end of Santa Claus and school holidays and believing in strange coincidences you sober up. At least you're supposed to. Then why the fuss? Why did I feel that the world was ending and had to turn it all over (and don't tell me it's because of 21/12. I always knew it was bullocks)? It's a mystery to me. But if you've felt the same, share, please. So that I ain't the only one paranoid. Tomorrow will be another day.
So, in the end, how was 2012? not boring. But not nearly enough satisfying. We're not done here. So, happy 2013. And be sure that it won't be happy if you don't move your asses and do anything for that.

PS. Maybe this year I'll stop believing in new years resolutions and start doing them. really.

Home again

I've returned to the country I was brought up in for the holidays. I havent been positively anxious the whole night and utterly enthusiastic when arriving. But I feel like I left just yesterday, even though it's been two years since the last time I've been here. Even though I met beggars here for the first time of my life. Even though I ain't got my own house here. It feels like a warm, welcoming home. And for now, I want to do nothing but eat and sleep. Talk again after I've done that...

When you've made shit out of everything...

...is when you feel the most alive. Welcome to my world again.

You feel bad about yourself...

when you've had the same make-up on for two sequential days because it still looked good after you woke up.

One of those days...

...I'll snap. But not yet.

Deconstruction

When you're small, you have to rely on other people to live. These people seem like gods to you. Becoming autonomous means that you no longer need them but you still have people who teach you things, inspire you deeply. And you think they're so great and so sure about their words. And then you become one of them. And realise that nothing was ever like that. When you're someone others expect things from, you realise that neither you, nor the people you have expected things from are some kind of super human. There are doubts. And there is time spent and fatigue. You feel like doubting the communication you have daily. And then you understand that all these people were full of doubts too. But the taught you a lot of things. That's where you rejoice.

Transitions

Either it's for some days or forever. We're in the age of trasitions. We're in the process of coming of age and going towards new directions. My friends are leaving their homes to go to new homes, new towns, new universes. I can't complain, I'm doing the same. But sometimes I can't help but wonder: will we ever cross roads after this? The song's lyrics are giving me a permanent answer

I've lost many people. I'm living far away from even more people. But I'll always love them and they'll know it. And vice versa

I could fall in love with this town...

If you believe that I ain't already. I've been in Thessaloniki for two days now and I consider staying. Forever.    Well, not currently, but I consider it a dreamy alternative vs Athens. The only problem is that, for the first months at least, I'll tend to sulk close to the sea all day. Here, I feel like living in a Theo Angelopoulos movie, even when what I do is pretty common. I was visiting the photography museum yesterday that's on the docks and a hidden musician was playing the theme from "an eternity and a day". Really. I've been fighting with my new 28mm lens for the last days. I wonder if I'll be able to manage that wideness. We'll see...Greetings from Salonica for instance.

Forever is a lie

Some days ago, I was about to write a post about cynicism. It was never written due to my sleepiness. But there is another way to talk about it.
The word "forever" is an utter lie. Nothing can last forever. Neither humans, nor their creations. Not even the system. We see situations changing around us every day. The thing is, I think, to be aware of that. Sometimes, when you're in a situation, you think it's going to be for life. And then you get lazy and stop appreciating the little things that make it wonderful. (The only case that defies my concept are the eternally in love couples, but I'm mostly not refering to love here)
You probably start realizing thins when you're at the end of something, or even after the end. That nothing is for granted. That some things don't happen anymore, because we've grown past them.
You can't go to play every day and wake up in the afternoon, because you have a job. or because you're thriving to end your studies to get a job (you wish). Or because you've done it too much and from some point on, it loses it's point. And you miss the trips, the tips, the culture, the lazy days. Even though, they make you wiser.