Should'a would'a could'a

It became clear to me, yet again today, how people see things differently. I'm done and they're not, I'm not and they are. I don't give a damn anymore. Who's even thought that this day would come. But I've realised this: you can't have two people in the world that can change your feelings top-down at the same time. I've had two of these kind in my life. They've both had a big longevity and they can't exist together. People that can bring you to heaven and send you to hell with one phrase. They probably signal all the important relationships in your life. If I had been a different person, an important ex of mine wouldn't ever be looking at me today. But that's the way things've happened and I can only turn to the future.

ps. I'm still looking for a certain chill version of "sing it back". If you've got any idea about it, just send me a comment

The easter luncheon tragedies

It happens every year. and the more tired you are, the worse you want to shout and leave the table.
The easter supper (and lunch on Sunday) is the perfect opportunity for the family to gather around delicious food (holy thing), drink homemade wine, apprecite the nature (if you're in the countryside) and chat carelessly. You'd say, where's the tragedy in all this?
It's quite concrete. You love your relatives, we all do. But there are times when you can't bear them. For me, talking about politics is one of these moments, where I either have to start screaming or leave the table. And especially after some cups of the pro-mentionned homemade wine, the "stay and repress your anger" is not a valid option. In easter tables you are once again reminded of why this whole country is going nowhere and you have no future. Well, I'm overdoing it, but talking about the level of people's concience, easter tables suffocate me. It's not about having a different (opposite, I don't care about that)opinion. I can discuss with that. But what I can't stand the most is listening to them and hearing the arguments that media magnates are using to put them to sleep. My head is shouting "wake up! You've lost all your money and you still believe in that shit?!". But that's not a way to convince people. And the closer they are to you, the worse you get (your parents are the best example for that). And then you become the crazy leftist (laughs). Wha you can do: a.yoga b.express your ideas in the calmest way you can (avoiding swearing carefully) c. drown your sorrow for the world in wine and then go out and play.
I don't know if this is gonna obtuse with time. The only thing I know is that easter luncheons are bad to my stomach, my face and my nerves.

Mi confesión

I won't talk about anything concrete today. Just scrape thoughts.
People talk much about life after university nowadays. I do too. I've been through many phases. Screaming out that I want to leave, staying in the place that I'll leave but hold dear, even when I'm not really supposed to, hurting people in the process. Am I satisfied with the situation? not really, but how can you handle smoothly things about whose function you have no idea? Crying doesn't really help. Makng declarations of war doesn't either. And in the process you loose things as important as hope. What does really "fighting for the long run" mean? can you run a marathon? Are you losing the point while saying meaningful things and discarding others that are still meaningful, even though not as much? And why is it that loving people in any way becomes complicated? And then you can't do it anymore, because you're tired of being the only one who's trying. Even if you do it in the wrong way. Cause noone in this life is a given. And you lose people if you don't try to keep them. You do even if you try, many times. But there's still hope. Being frustrated helps, in the long run. You express your feelings and you work on them. Not beeing a goody-two-shoes also helps. Because that's a big lie. Can you hear me? Can you understand what I'm saying? Being a (little) ass helps me communicate. If not, there's nothing else I can do. But I won't believe that until I have to admit complete and utter defeat.

Not sure about what I've gotta do

What the hell is everyone doing on their laptops? my depression ain't gonna end like this. Neither wasting all my body liquid in tears. Go to sleep, close your eyes. Noone'gonna hear you now. Tomorrow's gonna be another day

Bad intentions

It's the first time that I'm staying in Patras so much in the vacations. There are various reasons for that: the big essay that I have to present in June, the fact that it might be my last easter here, the wish to avoid Athens. And maybe more underlying reasons. Wanting from the couch to be your best friend would be a bit problematic, indeed, but if it's what you need this time then so be it. Creativeness only comes when you've rested enough, I'm afraid. And being supposed to be in two, even three places at the same time doesn't help. I'll rest. And write. And appreciate my lovely couch, appartment, life. And maybe dig into the underlying reasons. Maybe.

On circumstances

I'd have a lot to say, certainly about human relationships (and maybe the ache that the gym is causing me nowadays). But the way that I am now, words would be superfluous. Just listen to the song.

Troubles of a not-so-grown up

I've said today, in a foul mood that I'm tired of talking about, thinking and doing only serious things and that I'd like to sleep late, get drunk and fall in love. It's not entirely true. I don't want to do things that I've done a gazillion times, that have lead to nothing. I'm too old for that (laughs). I might even be too old for sleeping too late. But I'm never too old to fall in love.

What a strange girl...

If I was an egoist, I'd say this song was written for me years before my birth but I guess I'm not the first and only noir heroine around. Enjoy

(with fear of my troll friends, I'll try to translate the verses)

What a strange girl you are
what passions do you have that make you suffer
you've thrown yourself to the wine for hours now
and I can see your eyes crying

What a mysterious girl you are
one day you're all dressed in satin
the other I see you drinking like crazy
and you're very badly dressed

What a strange girl you are
I don't like the life you're leading
Leave the taverns and the wine
I tell you, you'll die miserable

Circles.

I'd like to call that post sleeping in beds with boys (paraphrasing this movie) but that's not the whole point of the thing. I have always wondered if everybody on this planet has that severe blues. And if they do, how do they deal with them? Do they also do stupid things? Are they also ambiguous? And what is this severe disease that keeps me from wanting to see my own bed?I'd say it's name is loneliness and it's a major issue recently. The major lack of money inevitably gives a lack of extroversion. People today, especially the young ones are lonelier than ever. But what do we do? another major issue. Some people do nothing. Others look for cheap thrills that momentarily make them satisfied, but can do nothing on the long run. And there's the third choice: looking for something real. It might be the hardest of all. You might trip and fall on the road. But it's the only way to be.

Flaneur

A  flâneur (very accurately described by Walter Benjamin, inspired by Baudelaire) is a person that wanders "aimlessly" on the urban streets and boulevards. I'd say that a. sometimes I wish I had the time and money to do that b.he is the ancestor of the classical street photographer.
I find myself wondering why I've almost entirely given up on street photography even though I love it. The answer lies above; I cannot be a flâneur. I don't have either the time or the money to stroll around endlessly. Well, let's say money ain't that much of an option; you can be peniless and still be a good photographer(and an even better flâneur). But what about time? Is that objective? how many people have you seen mumbling on their phones that they don't have time doing nothing. So this justification wouldn't be legitimate, either.
You don't have to be a flâneur to be a street photographer; I've seen many -and excellent ones- shooting between job, kids and sleep. I am the one that needs to be a flâneur to do it. Because usually nowadays when I walk on the streets, I have tens of thousands things that need to be done on my mind and forget to appreciate the simple things. So, no street for me for now. I strain over my documentary and wish for the best. 

PS. the roommates are advancing, slowly but, oh well...