...when you at least expect it.

It's been busy lately. I'm writing my thesis, due in 14 days, they are closing the public television and everything is up and coming. We're all in a panicky state lately. But, in the middle of all this (which is my first preocupation from the moment it's started) I found something that had gone missing a long time ago: my inspiration. What we're living now will be a big historical event in some years and my urge for photography has come once again.

And today, after a very long time, I shot a picture that I liked. It's neither important nor serious. But it's fine for a new start.

Happiness

Once upon a time (not far back, really) I thought that I wanted to fall in love. And that was my greatest trouble. What a kid I was. It's been more than a year since that, and really, what does falling in love means? You do, and then what? do you live happily ever after? Or are you in a continuous suffering? Nobody ever tells you that. Even fairytales end in weddings. And is happiness something you wait for Minerva to send you? Or do you have to fight for it?
I was a big idealist at some point. I thought that all my troubles would go away if I fell in love. But recently, I understood that it's not about love. It's about happiness. You can be happy even if your heart doesn't skip a beat every time you see the other person. If it weren't like that we'd need to change partners for forever. And who do you need in your life to be happy? Are friends enough? Are they even more than enough?
They say that you can't appreciate something unless you lose it. It's true. And they even say that there's not only one answer to a question. That's also true. But, concerning some things, you have to be sure to give an answer. So I'll wait. Final station: Happiness.

Confessions of a dancefloor in Patras (with blood sweat and tears optional)

Sometimes I can't understand myself, really. But what I can understand the least are some others. The thing that I like less in this world, I think, is uncertainty. I know it's inevitable. But I hate it the most in cases where it could be otherwise. I hate not knowing how to react when I see things I'd rather not. It's the natural course of things, I know. But the uncertainty drives me nuts. And I don't want to react passively to it again. Not drinking myself to despair. Someone wise would ask me "why still?why are you still upset over him?". I'm not sure myself but I mostly blame it on uncertainty. Another thing I hate in this world is separating with someone and losing them completely. Because it's absurd to think that, from one day to another the feeling of love (I emphasize, love, not passion) is lost. But I've come to accept that. If I can no longer be part of your life, than so be it. I've come to the altruist state to be able to say "I just want you to be happy, either I'm in your life or not" and mean it. But it's not even like this. I know nothing, I'm sure of nothing. If we have to separate places and say that we're going to exchange a rational hello on the few times we're together, then so be it. If we can have a normal (and that's a big word) relationship where we can talk from time to time and be able to meet each other on the road with that someone new and be able to say hello like decent human beings, then so be it. I just hate in betweens. And I'd love to resolve that before I leave this town for good, because otherwise it'll just be "Go to hell, I won't ever see you again and I'm happy for that".

Male friends

...are a great pillar of my life. As crazy as it might sound, it's very comforting to have men in your life that just don't see you like that. I'm not trying to compare them to my female friends, which I love. But it's yet another feeling. It comfortable, never antagonistic, simple, even stupid at times but I love it. I love talking shit with them, eating and drinking like crazy (though they tend to have a better metabolic rhytm than I do), dancing far after midnight. I consider their opinion on men far more than the one of my female friends, because we tend to get lost in the details. "He sighed on that moment so that might mean that he's not over his ex and incidentally he might have a great oedipus complex..."... sometimes, "he's not that into you" is very comforting, especially when your own thoughts were full of threesomes and abducting aliens. I believe my friends have heard enough crazy things from me, anyway. Male friends, I love you to the depths of my heart!!!! 

I wake up and they're gone.

A lot is going on in my life right now. Whether it's ending a big chapter of architecture and approaching to the end, thinking about leaving Patras (but not realising what that would mean), having all your friends in the same situation, talking about you shitty love life and so on. But I can't put them on paper. At night, I thing about a gazillion things, a great deal of titles. And then I go to sleep, and when I wake up they're gone. None of the issues I'd like to adress are unimportant. It's just that at night, my spontaneity goes on top and I guess it sleeps more than the rest of me.

But since I've begun I'd like to talk about story telling. For those who know me, it's impossible not to know my stories. Maybe that's the reason I've kept this blog all this time. My stories ain't always the innocent kind. Because they're based on facts, they can be embarassing, insulting or even plain bad. But I don't always know when to stop. I have a very lax relationship with privacy and I work along those lines. I guess one of my exes will smack my head one day :P.   

Angst

The last time I've worked (not for free) was five years ago, as a secretary. Since then, I've dextrously avoided it, since there was no need to. But the innocent years have come to an end, and I've had my first phonecall for a job today. Not exactly, because it's "powered" by the university, but even though. And they asked for my CV and portfolio. And here's where the stress begins. I wasn't ready to be asked for these. I haven't made them. I don't wanna work seriously just yet. Or do I?

POFPP festival 2013

Here's to one that talks about what's happening now in the outer world. Tomorrow's the beginning of the festival of the Cultural Student teams of University of Patras. Overcoming a tad of difficulties, we arrived to be able to offer four full days of dance, music, photoraphy, cinema, litterature, theater, visual arts and many more. If you're in the city, you're very welcome to come by the A.S.T.O building, in Valtetsiou str.

And here's the (puzzling, I admit) poster:

Should'a would'a could'a

It became clear to me, yet again today, how people see things differently. I'm done and they're not, I'm not and they are. I don't give a damn anymore. Who's even thought that this day would come. But I've realised this: you can't have two people in the world that can change your feelings top-down at the same time. I've had two of these kind in my life. They've both had a big longevity and they can't exist together. People that can bring you to heaven and send you to hell with one phrase. They probably signal all the important relationships in your life. If I had been a different person, an important ex of mine wouldn't ever be looking at me today. But that's the way things've happened and I can only turn to the future.

ps. I'm still looking for a certain chill version of "sing it back". If you've got any idea about it, just send me a comment

The easter luncheon tragedies

It happens every year. and the more tired you are, the worse you want to shout and leave the table.
The easter supper (and lunch on Sunday) is the perfect opportunity for the family to gather around delicious food (holy thing), drink homemade wine, apprecite the nature (if you're in the countryside) and chat carelessly. You'd say, where's the tragedy in all this?
It's quite concrete. You love your relatives, we all do. But there are times when you can't bear them. For me, talking about politics is one of these moments, where I either have to start screaming or leave the table. And especially after some cups of the pro-mentionned homemade wine, the "stay and repress your anger" is not a valid option. In easter tables you are once again reminded of why this whole country is going nowhere and you have no future. Well, I'm overdoing it, but talking about the level of people's concience, easter tables suffocate me. It's not about having a different (opposite, I don't care about that)opinion. I can discuss with that. But what I can't stand the most is listening to them and hearing the arguments that media magnates are using to put them to sleep. My head is shouting "wake up! You've lost all your money and you still believe in that shit?!". But that's not a way to convince people. And the closer they are to you, the worse you get (your parents are the best example for that). And then you become the crazy leftist (laughs). Wha you can do: a.yoga b.express your ideas in the calmest way you can (avoiding swearing carefully) c. drown your sorrow for the world in wine and then go out and play.
I don't know if this is gonna obtuse with time. The only thing I know is that easter luncheons are bad to my stomach, my face and my nerves.

Mi confesión

I won't talk about anything concrete today. Just scrape thoughts.
People talk much about life after university nowadays. I do too. I've been through many phases. Screaming out that I want to leave, staying in the place that I'll leave but hold dear, even when I'm not really supposed to, hurting people in the process. Am I satisfied with the situation? not really, but how can you handle smoothly things about whose function you have no idea? Crying doesn't really help. Makng declarations of war doesn't either. And in the process you loose things as important as hope. What does really "fighting for the long run" mean? can you run a marathon? Are you losing the point while saying meaningful things and discarding others that are still meaningful, even though not as much? And why is it that loving people in any way becomes complicated? And then you can't do it anymore, because you're tired of being the only one who's trying. Even if you do it in the wrong way. Cause noone in this life is a given. And you lose people if you don't try to keep them. You do even if you try, many times. But there's still hope. Being frustrated helps, in the long run. You express your feelings and you work on them. Not beeing a goody-two-shoes also helps. Because that's a big lie. Can you hear me? Can you understand what I'm saying? Being a (little) ass helps me communicate. If not, there's nothing else I can do. But I won't believe that until I have to admit complete and utter defeat.